趕快!~~~~趕快!~~~救命~~~~~!英語開心一刻!5個以上!~~~

題目：

趕快!~~~~趕快!~~~救命~~~~~!英語開心一刻!5個以上!~~~

解答：

1.Who discovered America 誰發現了美洲
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : PAPPU!
老師：帕普,去地圖前找到北美洲.
帕普：在這兒!
老師：正確.現在,大家告訴我,誰發現了美洲?
課堂：帕普!
2.Blind Date相親
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
和相親對象呆了一晚上後,男人再也受不了了.他事先安排了個朋友給他打電話,這樣他就能藉故先離開了.當他回到桌邊,他垂下眼睛,裝出一副陰沉的表情,說：「有個不幸的消息,我的祖父剛剛去世了.」「謝天謝地!」他的約會對象說,「如果你的祖父不死,我的祖父就得死了!」
3.A POOR MAN!
"Oh, my poor man," exclaimed the kind old lady, "It must be dreadful to be lame. But it would be much worse if you were blind."
"You're absolutely right," said the beggar, obviously an old hand at the game." When I was blind, people kept giving me foreign coins."
"啊,可憐的人,"善良的老婦人驚嘆道."腳瘸就夠慘的了,要是眼瞎就更糟了."
"你說的一點兒沒錯,"那乞丐說.他顯然是乞討老手."我眼瞎的時候,人們老是給我外幣."
4. A Second and A Million Dollars 一秒種與一百萬
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second".
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."
5.MOSES & JESUS 摩西和耶穌
A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it.Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses?" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".
一個竊賊潛入一戶人家.他看到一個喜歡的CD機,他趕緊拿了.就在這個時候他聽到有人說：「耶穌正在看著你.」他照著手電看來看去,嘀咕著：「到底是什麼人在說話?」這時,他看到桌子上有些錢,他又拿了.那聲音又來了：「耶穌正在看著你.」他躲到一個角落,想找出是誰在說話.結果看到一隻鸚鵡,於是他問鸚鵡：「是你在說話嗎?」鸚鵡承認了. 小賊說：「你叫什麼名字?」「摩西」.小賊說：「什麼人給鳥取這種名字?」鸚鵡回答：「就是那個給他的羅威那犬取名爲『耶穌』的那個人啊.」
6.Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子會和跳蚤有什麼不同呢?你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小.但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤,而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子.這個答案很有意思吧?
7.
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是穀物,他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼,他會更生氣.Corn既可以表示「玉米/穀物」,也有「雞眼」的意思.
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因爲snail（蝸牛）的後背上總是背著一所房子,所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足爲奇的.你說呢?
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces這個短語,你可千萬別以爲是在鐘錶廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀!因爲除了這個意思以外,它還可以從字面上解釋爲製造鐘面.
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎樣才能不讓夢遊者（sleepwalker）夢遊（walk in his sleep）呢?最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺.雖然這不是治療方法,但如果讓夢遊者醒著呢,他的確就不會去夢遊了.
He is really somebody （他真是一個大人物 ）
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人.
-- 他真是一個大人物.幹什麼的?
-- 墓地守墓人.
還有好多就不一一列出,你可以到http://www.maplesky.net/data/2006/0527/article_2996.htm看看