英語笑話帶翻譯,兩個人的,三到五分鐘.

題目：

英語笑話帶翻譯,兩個人的,三到五分鐘.

解答：

1、Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時,家裡沒有奶酪了,於是女主人向大家表示歉意.這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子.過了一會兒,他拿著一片奶酪回到房間,把奶酪放在客人的盤子裡. 客人微笑著把奶酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子,你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好.你在哪裡找到的奶酪?」 「在捕鼠夾上,先生.」那小男孩說.

2、Once upon a time, there was a mouse father.
（很久很久以前,有一個老鼠爸爸）
He wanted to marry his daughter to the greatest person in the world.
（他想要將他的女兒嫁給世界上最偉大的人）
But, who was the greatest person in the world?
（但是,誰是世界上最偉大的人呢?）
Oh! The sun! He must be the greatest person in the world.
（啊!是太陽!他一定是世界上最偉大的人）
The mouse father went to talk to the sun.
（老鼠爸爸就去找太陽說話）
「Hello! Mr. Sun. I know you are the greatest person in the world.
（哈囉!太陽先生,我知道你是世界上最偉大的人）
Would you marry my daughter?」
（你願意娶我的女兒嗎?）
「What? I’m not the greatest person in the world. The greatest person is the cloud.
（什麼?我才不是世界上最偉大的人呢!最偉大的應該是雲）
If he comes out, I』ll be covered.」
（只要他一出現,我就被遮住了）
The mouse father went to talk to the cloud.
（老鼠爸爸就去找雲）
「Hello! Mr. Cloud. I know you are the greatest person in the world.
（哈囉!雲先生,我知道你是世界上最偉大的人）
Would you marry my daughter?」
（你願意娶我的女兒嗎?）
「What? I’m not the greatest person in the world. The greatest person is the wind.
（什麼?我才不是世界上最偉大的人呢!最偉大的應該是風）
If he comes out, I』ll be blown away.」
（只要他一出現,我就被吹的遠遠的）
The mouse father went to talk to the wind.
（老鼠爸爸就去找風）
「Hello! Mr. Wind. I know you are the greatest person in the world.
（哈囉!風先生,我知道你是世界上最偉大的人）
Would you marry my daughter?」
（你願意娶我的女兒嗎?）
「What? I’m not the greatest person in the world. The greatest person is the wall.
（什麼?我才不是世界上最偉大的人呢!最偉大的應該是牆）
If he comes out, I』ll be stopped.」
（只要他一出現,我就被擋住了）
The mouse father went to talk to the wall.
（老鼠爸爸就去找牆）
「Hello! Mr. Wall. I know you are the greatest person in the world.
（哈囉!牆先生,我知道你是世界上最偉大的人）
Would you marry my daughter?」
（你願意娶我的女兒嗎?）
「What? I’m not the greatest person in the world. The greatest person is YOU, the mouse.」
（什麼?我才不是世界上最偉大的人呢!最偉大的其實是你們!是老鼠!）
「The greatest person in the world is … mouse?」
（世界上最偉大的人…是老鼠?）
「Yes, the greatest person in the world is mouse. See? If mouse comes out, I』ll be bit!」
（沒錯!世界上最偉大的就是老鼠,你看,只要你們一出現,我就被挖洞了!）
The mouse father was very happy.
（老鼠爸爸好開心!）
He finally knew mouse was the greatest person in the world.
（他終於知道世界上最偉大的人了,就是老鼠.）
He would marry his daughter to the handsome mouse next door.
（他決定要將自己的女兒嫁給隔壁英俊的鼠小弟.）

3、Four seasons of a tree
Don’t judge a life by one difficult season.
There was a man. He had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things to go and look at a pear tree that was far away.
The first son went in the winter ,the second in the spring the third in summer ,the youngest son in fall. when they had all gone and come back ,he called them together to describe what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly ,bent and weak .the second son said no-it was covered with green buds and full of promise. the third son said it was laden with blossoms and they smelt so sweet and looked so besutiful.the last son disgreed with all of them ,he said it was ripe and droop with fruit ,full of life and fulfilmen.
The man then said to his sons that they were all right,because they each had seen but only one season in the tree's life.he told them that they cannot judge a tree or a person,by only one season,and that the essence of who they are--the pleasure, the joy and love that come from that life --can only be measured at the end , when all the seasons are up .
if you give up when it is winter ,you will miss the promise of your spring,the beauty of your summer ,the fulfilment of your fall .don' let the pain of one season destory the joy of all the rest.
不要只在某人某段艱難的歲月里去判斷他的一生.
從前,一個父親有4個兒子.他希望兒子們能學會凡事勿匆下結論,於是輪番派遣他們到很遠的地方去尋一棵梨樹.
大兒子是冬天去的,二兒子春天啓程,老三去時已是炎熱的夏季,老么於金秋時節踏上了征程.
待他們全都尋樹歸來以後,父親把他們叫到一起,聽他們各自描述自己的所見.
大兒子數落說大樹枝彎干斜,很難看.二兒子連忙否認,說樹上發滿嫩綠的新芽,生機盎然.
老三不同意了,樹上明明開滿鮮花,吐露芬芳,漂亮極了.
他們的說法實在讓老么啞然,枝頭上墜滿的難道不是累累果實,在彰顯生機與收穫嗎?
父親解釋說,兒子們的說法都沒錯,因爲他們看到的是大樹一年四個季節里的不同情景.
他告訴兒子們說,不能以一季來判斷樹,更不能以一時來判斷人,因爲人之本質——源自他們喜、樂、愛的根本——只有在其生之了結時,才可蓋棺論定.
倘若你在冬季就已放棄,那無疑會錯過春季的生機、夏季的美麗和秋季的收益.勿爲一季的痛苦而破壞了所有的歡樂.
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
一天,有一個城市裡的遊客來到一個小鄉村,在鄉間路上開著車,想看看農莊是什麼樣子,也想看看農夫怎樣種田過日子.這位城裡人看見一位農夫在宅後的草地上,手中抱著一頭豬,並把它舉得高高的,好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果.城裡人對農夫說,"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的,但是,這不是很浪費時間嗎?"那位農夫回答說,"時間對豬有什麼意義?"
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."
allybaby
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"
兩個獵人進森林裡打獵,其中一個獵人不慎跌倒,兩眼翻白,似已停止呼吸.另一個獵人趕緊拿出手機撥通緊急求助電話.接線員沉著地說：「第一步,要先確定你的朋友已經死亡.」於是,接線員在電話里聽到一聲槍響,然後聽到那獵人接著問：「第二步怎辦?」
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼,你小弟弟好嗎?
約翰尼：他害病臥牀了.他受了傷.
湯姆：真糟糕,怎麼回事兒?
約翰尼：我們做遊戲,看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠,他贏了.
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡.他媽媽問,「發生了什麼事?」
「一個男孩咬了我一口,」伊凡說.
「再見到他你能認出來嗎?」媽媽問.
「他走到哪裡我都能認出他,」伊凡說.「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢.」
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢.
「昨天給你的錢幹什麼了?」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆,」他回答說. 「你真是個好孩子,」媽媽驕傲地說.「再給你兩分錢.可你爲什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢?」
「她是個賣糖果的.」
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天,父親與小兒子一道回家.這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡,老是有提不完的問題.他向父親發問道：「爸爸,『醉』字是什麼意思?」 「唔,孩子,」父親回答說,「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察.如果我把他們看成了四個,那麼我就算醉了.」 「可是,爸爸, 」孩子說,「那兒只有一個警察呀!」
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時,家裡沒有奶酪了,於是女主人向大家表示歉意.這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子.過了一會兒,他拿著一片奶酪回到房間,把奶酪放在客人的盤子裡. 客人微笑著把奶酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子,你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好.你在哪裡找到的奶酪?」 「在捕鼠夾上,先生.」那小男孩說.
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一個引擎
一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時,喇叭里傳來了機長的聲音：「旅客們請注意,我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了.但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的.只是我們要因此晚到一小時 .」 過了一會兒,旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：「各位,你們猜怎麼啦 ?我們剛又掉了第三個引擎.但請你們相信好了.只有一個引擎我們也能飛,但要晚三個小時了.」 正在這時,一位乘客非常氣憤地說：「看在上帝的份上,如果我們再掉一個引擎,我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了.」
Young hopeful：「Father,what is a traitor in politics?」
Father（a veteran politician）：「A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one．」
Young hopeful：「Well then,what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?」
Father：「A convert,my son．」
什麼叫叛徒?
有希望的青年人：「父親,什麼叫政治叛徒?」
父親（一位老資格的政治家）：「叛徒指的是離開我們黨而加入到另一個黨的人.」
有希望的青年人：「那麼,離開他的黨而加入到我們黨的人又叫什麼呢?」
父親：「叫改變信仰者.我的兒子.」
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡.他媽媽問,「發生了什麼事?」
「一個男孩咬了我一口,」伊凡說.
「再見到他你能認出來嗎?」媽媽問.
「他走到哪裡我都能認出他,」伊凡說.「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢.
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢.
「昨天給你的錢幹什麼了?」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆,」他回答說. 「你真是個好孩子,」媽媽驕傲地說.「再給你兩分錢.可你爲什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢?」
「她是個賣糖果的.」
Doctor: Please open your mouth,madam.
Lady : Thank you very much,doctor.
Doctor: Why do you thank me?
Lady : Because my husband always asked me to shut up.
醫生：請張開嘴,夫人.
夫人：真謝謝你,醫生.
醫生：你爲什麼謝我?
夫人：因爲我丈夫總是叫我閉嘴.
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再問： 沒有旁白的有木有？明天藝術節我今天要弄好和另外一個同學背，明早表演。
再答： 可以自己設計腳本 有很多範例，自己挑一個，設計旁白
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