請大家幫我看看這篇英語作文能有多少分?

題目：

請大家幫我看看這篇英語作文能有多少分?
My Winter Holiday
On my Winter Holiday,did you know what i do First,i help my mom did some chores,like did the laundry,took out the trash ,swept the floor...Second,we family went to the aquarium,i saw some interesting seals,octopus,and sea lion.Then,we went to the Animal World ,there are very interesting .I like there.I favorite animal is panda ,because it's very cute.So,on my Winter Holiday,i feel very happy.
請幫我指出錯處，並加以改正，
Thanks very much!

解答：

My Winter Holiday
On my Winter Holiday,did (改成do) you know what i do(改成I did 或I have done) 你是否知道是現在時,我做的事情是過去發生的,用過去時或現在完成時
First,i help my mom did (改成do,help+動詞原形) some chores,like did（改成doing,like+sth,比如…) the laundry,took(taking) out the trash ,swept(sweeping） the floor...
Second,we（改成our,我們的,物主代詞,we我們,不能直接接名詞） family went to the aquarium,I saw some interesting seals,octopus,and sea lion.
Then,we went to the Animal World ,there are （it is,那裡很有趣,there are指有…,不表示那裡怎麼樣） very interesting.I like there （可加very much）.
I （My）favorite animal is panda,because it's very cute.
So(In a word 總之,so 是連詞不能單獨在句首加逗號使用)on my Winter Holiday,I feel very happy.