托福作文批改Do you agree or disagree with the following statement.

題目：

托福作文批改
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement.
The ability to adapt to new work environment is as important as a high degree of excellent knowledge for the job.
When you doing a job, there must be a large amount of difficulties you have to overcome. One of these difficulties is the change of working environment. Therefore, the ability is actually an important skill that can help you become successful. But, compare with the excellent knowledge on work, the ability of adapt the working environment might be less essential. Because if someone has no knowledge for the job, even he can adapt his environment, he can’t do his job well. In addition, the knowledge can help you adapt the environment.
First of all, please imagine the following situation, someone who has good ability of adaption. After he adapted his new environment, what’s the next step? All right, he has to work. So, if he doesn’t have knowledge for his job, he can’t accomplish his work. On this event, we can see that doing work may little influence by the ability of adaption. The knowledge and experience of work are the most essential factor to become successful on your work.
The second reason, I consider that, the knowledge for the work can help workers adapt their environment easier. Why? That’s because they are effective on their works. So they can save a lot of time. Whereas they are not good at adapting the change of their environment, they can save a lot of time to do the adaption. On the contrary, those people who are originally have great ability of adaption, after they finished their adaption quickly, what should they do? They must earn knowledge. So it is absolutely that learning something must be more difficult than adapting new environment.
In a nut shell, even the adapting skill is significant, the knowledge of work is much more essential. Before thinking how to adapt your working environment, becoming knowledgeable is more important. This is the first step to become successful on work~

解答：

請你以後打這個問題的時候就要注意,字全部糊在一起你難道不覺得噁心嗎.
大概只是簡單改了下語法什麼的錯誤.還有就是把完全不必要的句子都用灰色劃掉了.
 
痛苦之處是,你沒有分段.所以我只好隨便代你分一下,你就湊合看.【考官是會各根據段來略讀,不會這麼好脾氣一點點看仔細的.】
 
圈了一處語法錯誤極其嚴重的,其他的還好【判斷與發的標準是一下子能否讀懂意思,相信我我要是執著的看了很多次還搞不清楚你的意思那麼這個就是真的有問題】【注意介詞和固定搭配】
 
還有就是,不要以爲你的寫作水平能高過考官,你不是他的boss,使用大量的口語化語言並不會顯得你很地道,反而真的很土.【杜絕沒有意義的口語】
 
最痛疼的是邏輯的硬傷.不要「首先,因爲可以省時間,所以可以省時間,結果就省了時間,由此可以得出,這個可以省時間,我的論點是,這個真的可以省時間；其次,就是它還可以省時間」……【←這個例子比較極端,但是邏輯真的有缺漏!】
 
舉例完全沒有說服力【不幸,既不具體,也不合理,脫離實際,臆想痕跡嚴重】←雖然托福例子是可以隨便舉,但是你這個太隨便了
 
不要隨便下定義,你的觀點只是觀點.【用定義來論述與下定義完全是兩碼事好不好啊】
 
順便建議一下,請立場堅定.不要講什麼xxx也很重要的話.【當然不是說這麼說不行,只是由於你邏輯不行,說這個就是添亂】
 
不要隨便用網上的固搭和模板【相信我,雖然我沒有認真備考過托福,什麼是模板還是可以一眼看出來的】
 
論點請豐富下【不要用證不出來的或者站不住腳的】←我會不管自己怎麼想直接寫可以證明的方面,雖然有的時候本人並不贊同這個觀點.考試的時候構思儘量不要花時間.
 
既然以上出現了這些問題,我就假設你沒有限時寫的這個.注意考試時和你真實能寫的字數會有差別.【請限時喲~】←我只考了兩次,獨立寫作一個是688字一個是702字,在家是700字左右,算是比較穩定.同城一個變態寫到800+的字數. 當然不是說字多多益善,但是不要像你的這麼少會比較好（重申下我用灰色刪過了）.
 
 

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