托福作文求大神評分work in group is better or work aloneMost people en

題目：

托福作文求大神評分
work in group is better or work alone
Most people enjoy working in groups now and
for them,working in a group may be more efficient.However,personally,I
argue that working on our own is better than in a group.
To begin with,by working on our own,we
are sure to be more efficient,contrary to the fact that there are too many
distractions in group work.When people are working in the group,they may chat
and laugh; this will influence other group members negatively.While working
alone,there will not have any disturbance,the ambience around is better for
people to concentrate,so that they can be very efficient in working.I was in
a study group last semester,the group members were chatting and talking about
the irrelevant topics like where to camping tomorrow.It was impossible for me to
concentrate while studying in the group at all.
Secondly,to work alone enable us to make
our own decisions.In other words,we can present our ideas directly to the
boss without asking the permit from the group leader.My uncle is working in a
computer company,once he had an idea about renewing the products outlook,but
the group he was in denied the idea,thus there was no chance for him to
present the idea to the boss.However,the next year the other companies come
out the similar idea and sold a lot of computers.Now that some group leaders
will be arbitrary,so that the ideas of the group members can be hard to get
known by bosses,and finally hurt the benefit of a company.
Last but not least,when we finished a
project on our own,it can be very rewarding.We can achieve the accomplishment
and feel very fulfilled by solving the problems all alone.For instance,every
time I solved a hard math problem on my own,I feel exactly very excited,and
will be more motivate to move on to other questions.
In conclusion,working alone makes people
more efficient and more accessible to their boss,this means their ideas will
be more likely to be implement,thus achieve the sense of accomplishment.In
short,it is better for us to work alone.

解答：

實話來說,你這篇文章你只能算作20分上下.三大針砭之處：
一、邏輯缺乏峰迴路轉.你三個方面全是3A,即全是正觀點,這樣讓評委認爲你缺乏辯證的思路來思考這個問題,而我推薦你使用AAB的方式,即前兩個觀點是正的,後一個觀點是負的,而負觀點可以先舉一個明顯邏輯不對稱的普通人看法認爲集體工作好,然後你一巴掌將其拍死.
二、論據不突出.你想想,考官一天看上萬篇的同一題目的作文,如果你不能語不驚人,你認爲考官能對你留下深刻的印象?我以前參加托福考試的時候就喜歡用邏輯+高科技+典故的例子,你可以說獨立工作更能突顯個人工作能力與價值,然後可以舉philosopher Nietzsche的例子（前提是你了解Nietzsche這人的生平歷史並且寫得出來這個名字的單詞）,你也可以寫日本改善LED燈的那個大牛的例子（以前積累過不過現在他的名字寫不出來了,囧）
三、詞彙匱乏.考官就是要看你應用語言的能力,但是你用小學生或中學生的詞彙去打發他,能得高分嗎?即便詞藻一時半會兒提不上來,多積累點名句也總是好的.
純手打,有問題可以發郵件問我,[email protected]
再問： 可是我們老師說只要說理清晰就可以了啊。。我上次考試也是這麼寫的是25 難 是說再高點就必須用大道理麼
再答： 不是大道理，主要是突出亮點，其實我只是個人建議，托福考過兩次，作文也沒上28呀。要拿高分的確難