托福作文求改+估分,題目是書本知識和經驗哪個更重要

題目：

托福作文求改+估分,題目是書本知識和經驗哪個更重要
We live in a world where almost all the knowledge can be obtained from books,therefore a large amount of people believe that knowledge contained in books are the most crucial.However,is it a wise idea?Is that mean we can ignore the knowledge gained from experience?Of course not.
No doubt that it is books that have a huge number of knowledge about various aspects,such as history,science,decoration,even cosmetology.It seems that everyone can benefit by kinds of specialized books.Only a book,can provide students like me methods of solutions to some math problems,can tell housewives how to prepare a delicious meal,can teach the peasantry skills of cultivation.Besides,it is quite convenient to get a book nowadays.Whether we borrow a book from near library or buy one from a bookshop,we can always find what we need.And with the development of printing,printed matters became cheaper so that everybody can afford them.
On the other hand,knowledge acquired from experience also plays a imperative role that it from books can hardly instead in our life.Such kind of knowledge can be absorbed better and understood deeply by people.Take me myself as an example,when I learned a new experiment of physics,not until I made it by myself can I comprehend it.In high schools of our country,what we lack of is this efficient way to gain knowledge through experience.What we always do is to read lots of thick books of every subject,which often makes study a tedious thing.Maybe one will argue that the knowledge acquired from experience is not so precise so that it will mislead us to a diverse direction.We cannot deny it,but is that knowledge included in books usually definite?In our modern society,producers of books surely know that people never suspect the knowledge from a book at all,so they increasely print their products to get a profit without considering the qualities of them.Then experts could search out a number of mistakes in those so-called specialized books.Consequently,we should have a sense of judgment rather than depend on books blindly.
In a word,these two type of knowledge both have their advantages and disadvantages,so we ought not to actually say which one is more important.In my opinion,the most essential thing is how to make full use of the value of the two sources and combine them efficiently.

解答：

您好,我大體修改了一下你的作文,有一些具體的語法問題和句子表達問題沒有給你改,因爲這是很難在短時間提高的.我T的大作文是Good,這裡給你一點經驗.不要照著xdf的思路去寫作文,因爲那樣會太套路,比如每段第一句是主旨句 然後舉例子啥的.你可以看一下OG裡面給出的兩片滿分作文,都不是這麼構思的.另外你要注意og裡面的範文都是把題目的各個方面都點到了,論述詳細,但是examples並不是寫的很多,很多是一句話帶過了,更多的是抽象的論述.把握這幾點,托福作文也就沒有什麼太擔心的.
我覺得你的作文應該在3.5-4分左右的樣子.主要缺點是是論述不夠詳細,比如說書本裡面的只是和實踐中的如何不同,爲什麼實踐中的更容易記住和掌握等等；語言我覺得有的時候你真的太過刻意用高級句式和詞彙了,真正好的句子並不是特別複雜的,而是準確的而且讓人看懂的.很多地方你用了很多倒裝句我覺得並不是很有必要,讓人讀起來感覺怪怪的.
作文還有小作文的部分,我覺得小作文是更好拿分的,因爲有一些套路.小作文其實基本不用寫閱讀部分裡面的內容,要把主力放到聽力段子中,og上的範文你可以看一看.希望對你有幫助!
修改部分如下：（括號里是修改的）
We live in a world where almost all the knowledge can be obtained from books. (應爲句號,therefore 是副詞,不能引導兩個句子)Therefore a large amount of people believe that knowledge contained in(from) books are(is) the most crucial. However, is it a wise idea? Is that mean(Does it mean that) we can ignore the knowledge gained from experience? Of course not.
No doubt that it is books that have a huge number of knowledge about various aspects, such as history, science, decoration, even cosmetology.（No doubt that books contain knowledge on all aspects, e.g. history, science, decoration, even cosmetology.） It seems that everyone can(will) benefit by kinds of specialized books. Only a book, can provide students like me methods of solutions to some math problems, can tell housewives how to prepare a delicious meal, can teach the peasantry skills of cultivation. Besides, it is quite convenient to get a book nowadays(it is quite easy to get a book you needed with the help of modern information system). Whether we borrow a book from near library or buy one from a bookshop, we can always find what we need. And with the development of printing, printed matters became cheaper so that everybody can afford them.
On the other hand, knowledge acquired from experience also plays a imperative role (and knowledge gain from this way can never be replaced by that from books). Such kind of knowledge can be absorbed better and understood deeply(easier 保持句子的對稱) by people. Take me myself as an example, when I learned a new experiment of physics, not until I made it by myself can I comprehend it. In high schools of our country, what we lack of is this efficient way to gain knowledge through experience. What we always do is to read lots of thick books of every subject, which often makes study a tedious thing. Maybe one will argue that the knowledge acquired from experience is not so precise so that it will mislead us to a diverse direction. We cannot deny it, but is that knowledge included in books usually definite? In our modern society, producers of books surely know that people never suspect the knowledge from a book at all, so they increasely print their products to get a profit without considering the qualities of them. Then experts could search out a number of mistakes in those so-called specialized books. Consequently, we should have a sense of judgment rather than depend on books blindly.
In a word, these two type of knowledge both have their advantages and disadvantages, so we ought not to actually say (that)which one is more important (than another). In my opinion, the most essential thing is (to make full use of knowledge gained from books and experience and combine them efficiently )how to make full use of the value of the two sources and combine them efficiently.