托福作文求批改Do you agree or disagree with the following statement

題目：

托福作文求批改
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
At universities and colleges,sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Nowadays,student at college or university pay their all attention on their study.Smoe people may think that study in university is the most important thing you have to do also do your best.however,some prople may think that students may develop all their ability before they walk in to jobmarket.I believe that the latter one is more preferable.
First,great enterprise and perfect opportunities comes from good health.Without a body which with good health,we can not do everything successfulily.it can give us more opportunities to communication with others,upgrades our communication skills.Also,it can entertain ourselves,bring more pleasure to our university life.So sports may stand at the same high with classes.
furthermore,social activities can also increase their knowledge of themselvs and the world around them.The more exoirences they have,the greater they awares the competitive job market.Social activities can help the students prepare for their career earlier,and to have new experiences that they can never got from the calsses.
Finally,these activities may be can find out the potential abilities that they have never been know before.students can find what jobs they good at,at the same time expand their knowledge in the subjects they found interesting.Of course this may be their their last chance for a long time to improve their knowledge they can nit be hearted in class,and also to find out what really be keen on,not just limitted on the subjects that everybody learned.
Admittedly,classes and libraries do have theor advanced,they can make students understand the knowledge and expreiences more efficiently can save more time.However,sports and social activities can give more valueable experiences comprehented by themselves not by what teaches say.I therefore reinforce my standpoint that we should give equal treatment to both aspects,and also the equal financial support.

解答：

Without a body which with good health 這句實在是有點湊字數的嫌疑啊
we can not do everything successfulily.everything 應該改爲anything更好
t can give us more opportunities to communication with others,upgrades our communication skills.改爲 It can give us more chances to communicate with others to upgrade our communication ability.
Also,it can entertain ourselves,bring more pleasure to our university life.改爲 Also,healthy body can bring us more pleasure to our daily life to entertain ourselves.
暫時先看這麼多吧.樓主的英語和TOEFL是國內學的嗎?有一些措辭和句子是中式英語!
再問： 是
再答： 什麼時候考試？加油吧