托福作文求大神修改和建議

題目：

托福作文求大神修改和建議
Telling the truth ,in modern society,is regarded as key to sustain every relationship .Form that ,we could see being faithful to people is a top idea today .But the there are several questions might make people confused ,the first is that is telling the truth always a good way to sustain the relationship?and the second :is it every relationship worthwhile to tell the absolute truth?And the answers are worth a profound consideration
First of all ,in my consideration ,every problem has its unique solution ,which means you have to change according to the different situation .In a word ,telling the truth sometimes does work but sometimes it does not .In some certain condition ,it may become a sort of damage to relationship because some truth could not be accepted by people in short time ,therefore white lie is actually necessary to protect relationship form destroying it .
An illustrating instance could prove what i said ,my girlfriend participated a part time job and really suffered a tough weeks in order to buy a expensive skirt ,she made it finally and aked for my comment ,actually i thought that one is not good at all ,but i still said i love it because if i told her truth ,that equals put her in embarrassing position ,which adversely might give our relationship a tough time ,which is entirely opposed to my expectation of improving relationship .
Secondly ,i believe not all the relationship worth telling truth all the time ,as a old Chinese saying goes by,one should always guard against the harm that others might do to him ,that is to warn people some bad guys would take advantage of your faith to do something harmful for you ,people are supposed protect their own privacy from people you just meet or even have no idea who he is
In conclusion ,it is a big world that full of various people ,we are supposed to identify which relationship is important to us and which is not or even harmful ,as for the important one to value ,we are also supposed to be more flexible depend on certain condition to protect your friends or other people to maintain the relationship
題目是tpo2 Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people

解答：

/>第一段一二句沒有邏輯聯繫.你提出的topic要在下文環環相扣的進行解釋,你要問自己why?then what?老外不是我們,他們從來不懂模糊的推論.你的A,只能得到B,不能得到C.

基本語法錯誤,不夠仔細.知道cs句子不,兩個句子之間不能用逗號連接,你看第一段里有沒有這種初級語法錯誤?老外讀到此處可能會誤解,這不是口語section,不能犯這種錯誤.

第二段第一句話恕我沒能理解什麼叫unique situation 在我看來你這段是打哈哈的廢話,可以刪除.托福文章的段式,最好是開頭intro,中間兩個body段,然後結尾.你這段沒有把你的立場說清楚,而且繞.在intro段裡面,必須明確指出你的supporting idea,你用兩個論點,列子來論述你的觀點（托福主要考這個）而且必須條理清晰.所以不要這段,下面的兩端body paragraph你應當在每段開頭表明你這一段的中心,而且你的論證必須是你在intro里提到的那兩個論點

看到第三段我鬱悶了,所以你的topic,你對於這個topic的態度到底是支持還是反對?托福考試如果選中立牌的話會很難的高分,應爲你必須把兩邊的觀點都解釋清楚,還要有讓步段等等,很麻煩,所以你最好以後選一邊立場寫文.

你的第三段缺少細節.知道嗎,托福文章最重要的就是兩個body段落,你把這兩個段落敷衍過去,考官還看什麼...所謂細節,就是展開,你要描繪一件繪聲繪色的事情,不是你女朋友要買東西（買什麼?）你的描述過於平淡,而且如果去掉第二段你字數就明顯不夠了.所以說要想把段落展開,細節描寫必須出來.同樣的意思用不同的詞去表達.對你的詞彙量要求也是比較大的

第四段空談理不談例子的一個壞處就是容易大空,無效.而且還沒有細節.不是說不能引用,但是你最好談談自己對這個的看法啊,是什麼讓你如此感受頗深,你的列子很重要

結尾基本ok.還是我說的,最好不要中立.還有,語法你總是喜歡cs,人稱變來變去,改掉這些初級錯誤

你現在的問題總結就是,詞彙不夠,邏輯不清,語法漏洞,缺乏例子,加油,我當時托福寫作也是掙扎了很久才打到高分,關鍵多寫,不要怕暴露問題.我托福110 你有什麼不懂還可以問我


再問： 恩，你說的很好，但我同樣也有些疑問，首先第二段那是solution不是situation，我意思是獨特的解決方法，你可能看走眼了；還有就是我很疑惑你爲什麼覺得第三段表達的是中立意見？第三段是舉了一個女朋友費勁心思買了一條不好看的衣服問我怎麼樣我騙她說不錯以維持關係的例子來佐證有時不能一下說實話，標點不規範語法邏輯問題你很在理，再一個細節問題我一直不懂，所以能不能勞煩實際改一下第三段
再答： 恩 sorrry第二段那個solution我是筆誤，然後我的意思是你的第一段，沒有明確的給出你的觀點，和論據。托福文章的結構是intro段（包含一句點明觀點，包含一句說明你的兩個supporting idea）body1（也是本段topic+supporting idea）body2。conclusion（總結兩個supporting idea，不要有新的論據出現）
然後，你看你這篇文章的開頭段，我覺得有點繞，然後沒有表達你的觀點，這個比較忌諱（建議你可以看看托福成績發下來後會有個評分段的解釋，看看他們在寫作方面具體考什麼，就在成績單那一排里）
其實我想說的是第二段有點像中立，看錯了。。 就是當我在讀到 in a word的時候，我會以爲你是在總結表達你的觀點了，（好不容易出現）但是你說有的時候對有的時候不對，那考官會以爲你是持中立意見的。所以你應該直接說有的時候不對（應爲你下面兩個supporting idea都是講telling truth行不通的嘛）
再答： An illustrating instance could prove what i said 。My girlfriend participated a part time job （last month）and really suffered a tough weeks in order to buy an expensive （Nike)skirt .she( struggled for a long time deciding whether she should choose beauty or frugality), and bought the skirt finally and aked for my comment . Actually i thought the skirt is not suitble for her and is expensive , but i still said i love it because if i told her truth ,she would be put in embarassing situation which adversely give our relationship a tough time . Emaging you suffered a long time cleaning dishes and serving meals in the restaurant and finallly got the payment you want, but your boyfriend dismissed your hard working。If i did so，our relationship would not been improved, and otherwise, our relationship might get distroyed. Thus, this personal experience clearly support my argument that......

我覺得其實不需要很華麗的辭藻，關鍵把一件事說清楚，既要表達別人的觀點更要表達你自己的觀點。關於細節描寫，在評分里有清楚的要求所以很必要。可以運用並列動作，not only but also，倒裝這些句子豐富你的表達。注意長短句結合，你這段的最後幾個which套起來就太長了，其實短句，幾個字，清楚明白也是ok的。還有就是要適當的展示一下你的vocabulary詞彙量，比如frugality這種詞，一段也要用上一兩個（不必刻意）關鍵是你的例子要展開。