托福獨立寫作求指導,想了解寫的如何,大概幾分

題目：

托福獨立寫作求指導,想了解寫的如何,大概幾分
題目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit.
Businesses searching for largest profit is un quetionable. However ,I believe , profit aside ,a company should put a premium on social responsibility. Thus they had better destroy the environment; exploit employees and defraud customers
Firstly, a company cannot damage natural environment . natural balance is fragile ,once its broken, thousands of years would be taken for its recovering. One typical example is that charcoal industry transfer rainforestsinto material resources. Decreasing number of both forests and animalspecies living in it trading for increasing number of fuel. The effect of which would remain several generations. Also,industrial waste pollute atmosphere and water system. Both bring trouble to our daily life . green house effects heating the earth ,invoking meltingsouth pole, raised sea level and hotter summer
Furthermore , detrimental to the right and benefit of workers is antherforbidding for every company. Mistreated staffs would lack enthusiasm and effectiveness or even go on a strike which do more harm than good to thecompany. On the other hand ,satisfying treatment engages the empolyees on adeeper level , in turn creates a better profits. Successful company like Google whose office is famous for its innovative design is a instance
Last but not least , cheating customers is the most serious mistake onecompany shall ever made. Cheating such as exaggerating the products in advertisementcould cause credit crisis. Once the inequality between the real product and theadvertised one is found out, distrust would expand as customers share their usingexperience with others. One’s statement is unpredictably powerful in the timeof multimedia.
To conclude,protecting environment , staff’s and customers』 right are important to acompany . The meaning of a successful business is not only immense fortune butalso the sense of responsibility to the society. One foreseeing business cannotdo everything.
如果不嫌麻煩,請把語法錯誤劃出來,小人感激萬分.

解答：

不錯,目測獨立寫作4分以上,可能到4.5.綜合寫作聽全要點,應該寫作總分25以上.差不多27吧.前提是這是你在規定時間內能寫出的水平.結構可以,詞彙量不錯,句法多邊性也可以.
再問： 請問，如果想寫到5分及以上還有什麼需要改進的地方呢？
再答： 獨立寫作和綜合寫作有一個獨立的分數表示形式。。。。滿分是5分。。。我也就是4.5分的水平。。。問我怎麼到5分我也不知道。。。你要是兩個5分了總分不就30了嘛。。。29的我還見過兩個，30的我都沒見過。。。。能保證考試時能迅速準確的寫出這樣一篇文章，正常發揮拿26分以上就足夠了。。26分已經超過幾乎所有學校的寫作線了。。。剩下的不如下工夫準備別的，聽力口語考高點更有用。。。